I am obsessed with
nutrition and working out.
I am obsessed with muscles.
Even though it started
for vanity purposes, my obsession grew as I grew. It's not because muscles are
pretty and give our bodies amazing shape. For me, it's because I know the
dedication and hard work that it takes for someone to burn the fat and grow
muscles. So when I see it, I'm literally in awe of that person and admire their
dedication. Admit it; you know it's not something everyone can achieve.
Many attempt it, but fail. Many attempt it and can't keep it up (like me). Few
have achieved it and maintained it. Truthfully, everyone wants to be fit and
healthy. Nobody sets out to become overweight, obese or morbidly obese. It just
happens because we make bad decisions. Decisions to eat crap and move less!
I am a true believer that every small step taken towards better
health counts. Heck, I started on this trip by just cutting out my after dinner
snack. The thing about getting healthy is that it feels like such a daunting
task. I know. I've been there! Setting out to lose 40 lbs. felt like I was attempting
to climb Mt. Everest! Then I remembered, in order to climb a mountain, you need
to take small steps. So I started with the things that seemed easy enough to
cut out.
After cutting out my evening snack, I vowed that I would only eat
refined sugars if I was at an event or visiting my family. I primarily decided
this because I didn't want to make people around me feel uncomfortable. Let’s
face it, eating is a social event and when you are not joining in on the
eating, it makes people feel either bad for what they are eating or at the very
least uncomfortable. Also, I didn't want to feel stressed out at what I could
and could not eat at an event or if there would be ANY healthy food for me to eat at the gatherings.
My third step was to start walking/jogging/running for at least 45
minutes at least 5 times a week. This meant that if I was going to fit this
into my day it would have to happen late at night after the kids went off to
bed. Unfortunately for me, I am not a morning exerciser. I need my hot shower
to wake me up every morning. This means that when everyone is cuddled up on
their couch catching up on American Idol, I’m schlepping my ass onto the treadmill.
At first, this was difficult. It took me almost 2 years to actually stick to working out this late at
night. If you look at my journals there have been soooooo many failed attempts at working out late at night. IT IS NOT EASY!!!! There were times
when I would stick to it for 6 weeks and then just on whim I wouldn't feel like
it one day and that one day would somehow turn into two days, three days, etc.
It never became a habit until May of this year. Honestly, I don’t know what was
so different this time around from the rest of the times. That’s a lie. I do
know. I was sick of being depressed and I knew my only remedy would be
exercise. For me, it felt like life or death. I was that desperate for change.
Now it's just a part of my life that I actually look forward to. My sessions have doubled in time since I started. I spend a good hour and a half working it in my garage, daily if possible.
My fourth step was to write down the numbers for all of the steps
above. I had been avoiding it through May and June. I think I got burned out on
the structure of being healthy. I got burned out on the counting of calories.
It felt so rigid and I just wanted to find my joy in exercise and eating
healthy again. So when my husband purchased my treadmill on June 30, I just
knew it was time to start crunching numbers. I went back onto Myfitness Pal and
reassessed my calories and put in my weight and I just started from there.
Since then, I count calories every day. I've found my joy in playing the “health”
game again and boy does it feel good!
Of course, I am not finished by a long shot! For me there are so
many old goals that are signing back on as new goals in my life. I have committed
myself to myself again. The way I see it, I am the only person that will
accompany me through my life. Why not take care of myself?
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