How heavy lifting can mess with your head…

This morning I weighed myself despite knowing that I would not like the number on the scale. I was ready for the shell shock that would come along with that number. Why does that number mess with my head so much? I think it has to do with the way that I learned to relate to weight loss and weight gain as an adolescent. As a teenager, that number was the only measure of success (or failure) that I could judge whether what I was doing (dieting/exercising) was working or not.

Despite learning new ways of measuring my weight loss success, I still rely heavily on that number. I have to do a lot of mind talking when that number goes up. For instance, if the number goes up 2lbs. in one day and mentally I know it is water weight, I have to still calm down my emotional self and rationalize that there is no real weight fat gain. It sometimes only takes me a minute to get over the number and then there are times when it can ruin my whole day. It really only sets the mood for my whole day if I am going out of the house. I have “fat days” where everything still fits me normally, but that stupid number on the scale dictates to me that I am “fat.” I've come to accept these fat days as part of the territory when it comes to losing weight and being a vain female. As I've grown older, my fat days have become less frequent and I think it has a lot to do with just realizing that if I have a fat day today, I can do something about it like exercise and eat right. A fat day doesn't feel as dire as it once did as a teenager.

Getting back to this morning, I knew that the scale would be up because my legs are barely starting to feel normal again AND in the meantime I have been lifting for my other muscle groups. Thus, I know my body is retaining water like it’s going out of style. The number on the scale wasn't as bad as I had envisioned. It only went up 2lbs. However, we are at the end of the month and I know that I have to put my monthly weight loss on the side bar to the right. I’m bummed that really I've only lost 2lbs. this month ON THE SCALE, but truthfully the 4lbs. that I was aiming to lose were lost before I started lifting heavily last week.  That’s why I started lifting heavy last week! I had gone back down to what I was before I blew my diet in December and so I moved forward with what was my original plan in November. The plan was to start firming up the muscles more AND increase my muscle mass to start burning the candle at both ends.

I’m just going to record 2lbs on the sidebar knowing full well that it really was 4lbs. The sidebar is based on the scale, so that is what I’ll put there. Too bad I didn't have enough foresight to include a sidebar of the measurement progress I have made.  

Oh well!

This month's workout schedule

Reboot and Refocus

I haven't been to this blog in a looooong while. I walked away for awhile because I just didn't feel like blogging about my life and my struggles. It was too depressing and I would sit in front of a blank screen and stare. The fact that I couldn't write was the thing that was getting the best of me. I can ALWAYS write. It's something that comes naturally to me and to not be able to was just pissing me off. So on an impulse, I shut down the blog until today.

In the meantime, I kept at my goal. Yes, I have lost 26lbs. and have 14lbs. to go. I'm over the midway hump and I'm finding that I really need to focus and write down exactly what I want to accomplish. Let me explain, yesterday was my Stepson's birthday and to celebrate the day we went to City Walk. As my husband was driving us there, I was staring out my window thinking about my health, my fitness and what really drives me in life. I was mainly thinking of what I want to do with myself. I think I have proven that I still have enough willpower and self-discipline to lose weight. Now I just need to fine tune and hone in on a legitimate goal with a timeline. Otherwise, I'm just going to be losing weight until I hit a certain number and I think I've evolved past the "I just want to be skinny" mentality.

My original goal was to shed 40lbs. by my birthday and seeing as my birthday is right around the corner, I'm not sure that I'm going to make it. I actually don't want to make it. Losing that much weight in such little time will not keep it off. I'd rather go slow and steady and NEVER get fat again!

Anyways, instead of rambling on and on, I'm going to just write it out here.

This is my Reboot & Refocus goals:

1. Lose the remaining 14lbs. I originally set out to lose by the end of the 2012. (This is a pound/week goal.)
2. Continue working out 6-7 times a week. --Totally doable!
3. Begin weight lifting 2x a week. (Mondays & Thursdays)
4. Continue running on days I do not lift.
5. Continue eating right, but maybe increase my calories to 1400-1600 a day. Eating 1200 calories a day has become boring. I eat the same foods at the same time everyday. (A trait that will make me an excellent figure competitor I'm sure.)
6. To stick to all of the above.
7. To re-evaluate my goals again at the end of the year.

***ULTIMATE GOAL***

To compete in a figure competition.

Still going strong...

I am on week 7 of BFL.

However, I do have to mention that I skipped one workout last week. I skipped a leg workout because I was so fatigued. The good news is that I'm feeling a lot better and yesterday was the start of week 7. So far, I've lost 9lbs. as you can see to the right. I have also lost a lot of inches. My jeans are really lose on my legs. The sad part is that my stomach is acting retarded and not losing the weight. I'm really saddened by this because I just hate my stomach.

I love my son, but he ruined my stomach. I used to have a super flat stomach. Now, it's puffy and soft. Thank God he didn't give me stretch marks, but still the shape it took after pregnancy is similar to a ball of dough. Lumpy and very round. I think it's going to take mega kickboxing and for many months to get it to whittle down. I feel like that is my biggest challenge.

On a good note, my ass is off the chain! All those lunges, squats and dead lifts have raised my butt and made it rounder. I'm thankful for having nice legs and a nice butt. A lot of women have square, flat butts but thankfully I've always had a nice unker-dunker :)

So yeah, I'm still killing it in my garage on an almost daily basis.

Did I mention last time that I'm running faster and longer than I ever have in my life? Yeah, the fat asthmatic kid is running and enjoying it! Go figure!

What's happening?

I’ve been bad…

I’ve been really bad about blogging.

The truth is I’ve just been busy. This doesn’t mean that I haven’t been working out or keeping up with my fitness. Actually, as I mentioned before, I’m doing the Body-For-Life program. I’m on my 3^rd week and it’s going really well. I’ve changed my approach to my diet dramatically from what I was doing before.

Before, I was counting calories. I was losing weight, but it was just happening too slowly. I also felt hungry a lot. I realized that the restriction of calories was too much and I wasn’t giving my body enough nutrients. I was consuming enough calories, just not enough nutrients. Does that make sense? If not, basically, I was eating a lot of diet food which had a small calorie count, but had no nutrients. I didn’t like feeling exhausted and misguided. Instead of giving up, I went back to my roots.

I’m not a runner. I’m not an aerobics queen. I don’t like pilates, yoga or any other girly type of cardio. I like weight lifting. I like watching my muscles grow and watching my body change. So I looked up on Google, “Weight lifting diet for beginners,” and I found Body-For-Life. The results that people have had with this program are amazing. No denying that this program works, however what attracted me to it is that it described macronutrient ratios that I could actually adhere to. It also seemed pretty basic and like it could fit my lifestyle and not be a big deal. Regular food that I already had in my fridge and a program that required all the equipment I already owned in my garage….perfect! Sold!

In the last 2 weeks, I’ve gained so much strength. I haven’t lost any weight to write mom about, but I feel good and I know that if I see this through, I will eventually chisel out the body that I know I want and deserve. The best part is that I’ve rediscovered certain foods that I forgot that I used to love. For example, cottage cheese with strawberries….delicious!

Another thing I love about the program, it’s efficient. You work out 6 days a week, but no more than an hour each session. On the 7^th day, you get to be lazy J and you also get a break from the diet and you can eat whatever you want. Sundays are my day off. Those are the days that I get to eat whatever I want. The first Sunday, I had Panda…lol. The second Sunday, I had a Mexican Pizza from Taco Bell…hahaha! Basically, I save my cravings for Sunday. Sometimes, the craving goes away. I mean at the beginning of last week, I wanted chocolate, chips and ice cream on my day off. I ended up only having a mexican pizza. I guess that’s the psychology behind the eating plan.

The workouts are going really well. The week looks as so:

M: Lower Body Workout (Alternate Upper Body Workout on following week)

T: HIIT Cardio (20 Minutes)

W: Upper Body Workout (Alternate Lower Body Workout on following week)

Th: HIIT Cardio (20 Minutes)

F: Lower Body Workout (Alternate Upper Body Workout on following week)

S: HIIT Cardio

I usually finish the weighted workouts within 45-50 minutes depending on how much I’m switching out the barbell with weights. I’ve seen the most change since starting this in my workouts. I’m much stronger and even had to go buy a few more 10lb. plates and 20lb. dumbbells this last weekend.

All in all, I feel great and I will finish the first round of this program right before Liam’s 3^rd birthday. I’m hoping that I will be in awesome shape by his party. I don’t think I will be exactly where I want to be weight-wise, but I will be a lot closer to where I want to be. I plan on doing a second round just too fine tune my body. After the two rounds, I will continue the format of BFL, but I’m going to have more variety in that I want to take group fitness classes (like spin) for the cardio and do Cathe Friedrich lifting videos for the anaerobic days.

Long time...

OMG! I feel like I haven't been to my blog in forever. You know what they say, life happens in between blog posts. It's the truth too! I've been really busy just taking care of myself and my son. I got sick, then my boy got sick and it's been nothing but cleaning up and comforting both myself and my son to feel better.

I think we are finally on the path to a good recovery and today I started counting my calories again. Whoot! I had to stop counting because I just wasn't doing anything good. Officially, I stopped for only 3 days. However, the workouts have been SUPER inconsistent! I'm picking them back up.

On another note, I got moved at work into my own office. I'm really excited about this for two major reasons. First, I'm not by the front door anymore. I don't know, I never have liked being close to the front door of any office I've ever worked out. I wasn't the receptionist or anything, but it just bugs me having people pass by every 5 seconds and interrupting my flow. Second, I'm excited to be far, far, far, far away from the candy basket. Not that I have had any candy from it since December 30th, but it's just annoying to see my office mates chomping down on chocolate while I'm stuck eating yogurt, nuts and apples....lol.

I'm looking forward to playing music in my office without someone else judging what I listen to and basically, I do better when I work in my own area. I get more done with less distractions.

So that's all for today. I'm going to sushi tonight with a girlfriend so my workouts will officially pick up again tomorrow night. Gonna start off with Body Fusion again and start throwing in dedicated days to arms, chest, legs, abs and back.

Feels good to be back after my short hiatus.

30 Days!

I've been tracking calories for 30 days in a row! See...

Nightly Recap...

Well for the last day of January and the first day back from being sick, I sure as hell brought my all! I know that I was supposed to stick to my workout rotation, but I just felt really good today and skipped ahead to the Body Fusion DVD. It's not like this is the first time in my life that I have done the DVD. I used to do this workout all the time when I was in really good shape and I knew exactly what it would demand from me.

The difference between the Body Fusion DVD and the Basic Step DVD that I've been doing for the past week and half is that the Body Fusion DVD is based on Circuit Training. The last time I got into really good shape, I did it by doing circuit training 3-5 times a week. I love the weight lifting aspect of circuit training and I love how it keeps your heart rate up the entire time. This is why I burned a ton of calories today.

Anyways, I just wanted to document my first day back from being sick.

January’s monthly goal completed. So what’s up for February?

At the beginning of the month, I set a goal on the right of my daily entries. The goal was to lose 4lbs. in January. I am so proud to announce that I have reached my goal and exceeded it by 1lb. I thought that I would reach it with ease and knew that it was attainable. My body is really stubborn when I begin a new fitness/eating regimen and it tends to hold on to the weight. I know that I will not see real visible results until maybe March. It can be discouraging, but because I know how this works, I know that eventually I will be rewarded for all the ground work that I’m setting down.

So what’s next for February?

Well, I’m setting another attainable goal of losing 5 more pounds. Combined with the first 5 that I’ve already lost, this should equal a total of 10lbs. down by the end of February. Again, not really visible results since I have so much to lose, but still attainable and still progress. To do this, I will continue to exercise at night as I have been. However, my eating will be a little different. I am lowering my calories to 1200 net calories for this month. This means that if I eat 1200 calories before exercising and then exercise and burn 300 calories, I will eat back those 300 calories[healthy stuff of course]. It sounds counter-intuitive, but I have this feeling that my body just needs to not feel freaked out over the restriction. I will tweak and adjust if need be by the second week in February.

Besides the weight goal, I’m also going to start setting a beauty goal. Last month, I didn’t really post what my beauty goal was going to be, but I had set out to get at least two pedicures. I got the first pedicure the first weekend of January, but then because the guy doing my toes went all Rambo on my toenails, I ended up getting a gnarly ingrown toenail. After 3 Epson salt baths and doing some bathroom surgery on my toe, I got the toenail to grow out and it went back to normal. Since I was a little apprehensive about going back to the pedicurist, I did the second pedicure at home.

Anyway, long story short, I will keep up with the pedicures but for this month my beauty goal is to whiten my teeth again. I’m going to go today to my local CVS and get some Crest White Strips. If you’ve never whitened your teeth before, let me tell you, it can be painful. This is why I never stick it out past 3 days! The pain is just too unbearable. I end up giving up. Well, not this time. I’m going to take a picture of my teeth before and after at the end of the month. Hope I stick to it!

Totally Sick!

Remember a couple of days ago I wrote that I was feeling a little under the weather?

Well, I thought I got better and I was feeling pretty good.

Then last night before I was due to go out and do my stretching and abs, I started getting this horrible cough and my throat felt so sore and so raw. Since my stepson had tutoring and my husband didn’t come home until late, I decided to just not workout. I was feeling horrible anyways. I thought I would be disappointed in myself this morning, but the truth is, I woke up with a full blown cough/cold/sore throat/ upper respiratory issue. In other words, I feel like crap today!

This is so par for the course. Every time I try to start a new workout routine, I seem to come down with a cold or the flu. I have a theory as to why this happens. I think that my body is so used to actively living an INACTIVE life that when I expect something more from it than sitting on its ass, it protests and lowers my immune system. Then anything floating around, I catch! I think it does this to deter me from continuing my workouts. This time, I’m giving my body the big, fat, middle finger and I’m going to continue on with my diet and exercise regimen. This time, unlike any other time, I will persevere and be just as stubborn as my body is to drop the extra elle-bees! I’m tired of this and I’m not going to let a little sniffle and the fact that I’m coughing out my lungs stop me  being what I set out to be.

So with this in mind, I went out this morning to the CVS and maybe went a little overboard on over-the-counter remedies. I don’t know, you be the judge?

 

I really don’t care though. Right now, I will do anything to at least alleviate the symptoms so that I can have a successful day.

Talking about success, yesterday I stuck to my 1200 calories! It wasn’t that hard either! I think that the reason why it was so hard for me to initially drop down to 1400 calories in the beginning of January is because my portions were completely out of control. I ate healthy foods, I just ate too much! I can tell you that measuring spoon, cups and the food scale have really become my friends. I use them all the time now to judge my portions because my naked eye can’t do it yet. I can estimate 4oz of chicken, fish and meat, but that’s about it. If you ask me to serve a cup of something, I’ll probably over estimate by a lot. In the beginning of this month, my husband kept noticing that there were measuring spoons and cups in the sink. He asked me twice if I was baking something…lol. I explained to him what I was doing and now, the measuring spoons and items are just like any other dish in the sink.

On another note, I forgot to mention yesterday that I took my measurements. I had been meaning to take them since the beginning of January, but it kept slipping my mind. I have nothing to compare my measurements to right now, so all they represent is numbers. There is no loss or gain in the numbers so they don’t really matter.

Today’s agenda calls for Basic Step and Upper Body. I am praying that I will feel well enough by 7pm tonight to do the workout.

PRAY!!!

All that worry for nothing...

These past few days have been agonizing for me. I had been struggling with the inability to lose any more weight and even gaining a little. I was doing everything right. EVERYTHING RIGHT! I was doing things so right, that finally it paid off today with a 2lb. loss. Yay me!!!

I am doing great! 2lbs. per week right on schedule!

Where my mind is today …

I’m having a tough day. Last night I was on top of the world because I ate so well and I kept to my workout rotation. However, when I woke up this morning, I stepped on the scale and all that work didn’t translate into any kind of a loss, but rather a gain of 1lb. I know that I shouldn’t get discouraged by this, but I can’t help it. While losing weight that damn number means the difference between a good day and a bad day. I just hate that. I originally stopped weighing myself daily because of that, but the alternative was that I never weighed myself and I gained weight. The harsh reality of the scale in a way is a tool that keeps me in line and motivates me to keep on trying. However, with the successes comes days like today where I feel completely pissed off at the scale.

Basically, I think, “I could have had that 80 calorie Weight Watchers Ice Cream bar last night and it wouldn’t have made a difference on the scale this morning!” I know that in the long run it doesn’t make a difference and even in the short run it doesn’t really matter, but if I were to eat that bar, I would be 80 calories further from my goal. At one point my body is going to have to give in and lose the weight. It has to! I just have to persevere and insist that I continue on this path…but I do have bad days.

I guess this closely relates to yesterday’s post about Blind Faith. I just feel as the days pass by, I get blinder and blinder. Then again, really what do I expect?!?!?!? To lose a million pounds in 20 days? It just isn’t possible. As I’ve put on my sidebar of this blog, my goal for this month is a 4lb. loss. Guess what? If that really is my goal, I’ve already accomplished it. So really I am reaching my expectations…so why the crazy psychosis over the scale number if I’ve already reached my goal? Why?!?!?

It must have something to do with the fact that I’m a numbers girl. I find comfort in numbers. I find control in numbers. Okay, that last statement sounded sort of disorder, but my career involves a lot of numbers and keeping things in balance. I’m just naturally inclined to use numbers and it feels great when there is a balance.

The reality is that every time I look at people’s 1-month progress picture, usually, they look the same as they did the month prior and have only lost a handful of pounds, if not less. Basically, the first month can be very frustrating if you are putting your all into your efforts…and you’ve guessed it, I am putting my all into this effort. The only difference between this time, and every other time is that this time I REALLY want it and I have a blog to prove it. I am dedicated to this and I will accomplish this. I am so tired of talking about nutrition and health and not looking the part. I want to add that credibility back into the words that come out of my mouth. I want people to recognize that I practice what I preach. I want to feel legitimate. I want to do that for myself…and I want to fit back into my Bongo jeans J

The change will come, but guaranteed I will have more days like today.

Blind Faith

Since changing my eating and activity habits these last 3 weeks I’ve had minimal results. I have lost 5lbs. so far. I know that losing 1-2lbs. per week is the safe way to lose weight; however I can’t help but be human and feel impatient. I wish that the weight that I have to lose would come off in the blink of an eye. I wish I could snap my fingers and be in the best shape of my life again.

…BUT…

I know better.

These past couple of weeks I have been relying on what I like to call “Blind Faith.” I have faith that if I continue on this journey as planned I will find success… long, lasting success. I am looking to change my body FOREVER. I am not looking to lose some weight now and then 4 years down the line regain the weight. I am better than that. I have Blind Faith that what I am doing is the right way, and the only way, for me to be happy with my body for the rest of my life.

Without the struggle of losing this weight, I will never truly enjoy the success that is yet to come. I have never been this heavy in my adult life. I have never felt so out of my skin in my adult life. Before I got pregnant I thought I would never have to feel the way I did in Jr. High School again in my life. I never anticipated that life and laziness would get in the way of me being my true self.

When I think about myself, I think about this picture…

I do not think of the person I have become. I do not carry myself as an overweight-all-my-life individual. I carry myself as that same fit girl in the picture above…I just don’t have the body to match my personality anymore. However, I’m working towards that again and there is nothing written in the stars that it is something that is not attainable. It definitely is something I can and will achieve…I just need to continue to have Blind Faith and patience.

Still sticking with it...

I'm still going at it. It's been over 2 weeks that I've been faithfully logging in my calories into My Fitness Pal. My body is acting very stubborn and not losing as fast as I would like it to. However, this isn't a race and I have to be patient. If I keep reaching for success at one point it's going to have to come to me. I will continue to log in my calories and aim to eat 1400 calories a day as planned.

I recently thought up of an idea of lowering my caloric intake to the bare minimum of 1200 calories 2-3 days during the week for two weeks to see how that affects my weight loss progress. I might try this starting next week, but will give the 1400 calories a day another week so that my body can be really used to eating less than I was before.

I must mention that I am no longer having too much difficulty with eating 1400 calories per day. It's not too hard to stick to, however there are times at night where I just want to snack out of habit. I have found that drinking water and brushing my teeth early really helps me stick to my plan. One good thing is that I've kicked the habit of eating gold fish at night. I haven't had any such crackers since I've started. I also haven't had any candy. What has been happening is that I look at the calories in the food and think, "How starved am I going to be at 10pm tonight if I have this?" It really does work in discouraging me from eating things that are too high in calories.

One thing that I'm having issues with though is my husband's eating habits. He still is on the "eat out during the week" train. I have been trying my best to eat good things while we are eating out, however, I feel like I can't get a good read on the calories that I am eating because not every restaurant has a calorie count for what they serve. Also, I can't just bring my food scale and measuring cups to a restaurant and sit there and measure out my food...or can I? Ha! I'd be the crazy lady with kitchen ware in her L.A.M.B purse...Hahaha! Ummmm, no! I'm committed to this, but not that committed.

Anyways, I worked out last night and I'm planning to repeat that again tonight.

Did you see? Did you see?!?!?!

If you look off to the right hand side you will see that I’ve lost 4lbs since the beginning of the year…

Okay, so last time I posted I said that I don’t believe in counting my chickens before they hatch, or in this case my pounds before they’ve dropped. I just can’t help to be happy about it. It might fluctuate because water weight fluctuates. HOWEVER, since I’m counting calories and exercising and counting my calories burned, I’m expecting this weight loss of 2lbs for this week because of my calculations.

Yesterday, I didn’t exercise. Instead I cooked a great meal (you’ll see my leftovers on WIAW) and then I called a friend that I hadn’t talked to in a while. The day off was nice, however tonight it is on like Donkey Kong!

I’m going to plug in the Wii Fit tonight for the first time. I’ve only been doing dance cardio the last week and a half to build up my endurance. Also, my husband and stepson will not be home. This means that once Liam is off to bed, I can take my time setting up the Wii Fit without an audience. Anyways, there isn’t much more to report on.

I've lost enough weight to see that what I am doing is working. However, I haven’t lost enough weight to notice anything in my clothing. To be honest, lately I find myself day dreaming of the day when my current jeans start to fall off of me. That day will come and that day will feel REALLY good. I also can’t wait until I can fit into my old pre-pregnancy clothes. I miss my black Bongo jeans with the off-white stitching. I loved those jeans. Right now, they are residing in a box in my garage. I can’t wait to rescue them. J

Anyways, stay tuned for “What I Ate Wednesday #2…”

And then reality hit...

This morning, I accomplished #10 from my 2012 Resolutions.

Let me tell you...the number on the scale was atrocious. I haven't been this fat since high school! However, the good thing about it is that I know exactly where I am at and where I am starting from. I made the resolution to weigh myself more because I notice that when I get into the regular habit of weighing myself I tend to lose weight because I'm keenly aware of exactly where I am at all the time. I need to be aware at all times. I've spiralled out of control and I really do need to reign myself in and for me, the numbers don't lie.

Talking about numbers, I'm counting calories again. I started today. Everything I eat will be measured and counted. I am going to use My Fitness Pal's mobile app to count my calories. I will be aiming to eat 1400 calories a day and burning 400-500 calories through exercise a day. This should net me out at a deficit of 555-655 calories a day. This would result in about a 1lb. loss a week. If this is true, then by the end of January I should have a 4lb. loss.

This is my goal for this month.

On January 31, four weeks from today, I will post to see if my first goal has been accomplished.